When God first revealed to me, I had become a victim of perfectionism, I was in the process of writing my book, “Your Stop Is Here, 16 Truths To Move You From Fear To Faith.” I took it seriously and I took great pride in doing work for the Kingdom of God. I wanted to do my absolute best at giving 100%. Initially, my intentions were to impact and transform people’s lives by exposing truth for God’s Glory. It was my goal to inspire people to be sold out for Jesus. However, I will admit, somewhere along the way, I lost that initial fire.

I no longer wrote to expose the truth for the Glory of God. Instead, I wrote for my own glory of perfection. I began to completely obsess over perfecting every aspect of the book. I was adamant about writing even when I was tired and drained. My perfectionist ways did not allow me to rest because I believed the book had to be “perfect.” At that moment, I knew I chose perfection over excellence, because I began to struggle drastically. Tormenting thoughts became the norm for me — thoughts like “what will critics say and think, will people read it, should I add more or delete more, or is God even leading me to write this book?” Although I strived for perfection, it seemed like no matter what I did, the book was still not good enough. I became overwhelmed with discouragement because…

“I just wanted the book to be perfect!”

Perfection was vital to me as it symbolized a responsible and well-structured person. Everything I did was in an orderly and well-structured fashion from cooking and cleaning to homeschooling my children and the clothes I wore. I strived daily to check things off my to-do list or anxiously tell people what I achieved for the day or week. I needed to feel accomplished and I didn’t accept anything that was less than. When things were not in “order” or put together “perfectly,” it completely drove me insane. Because of this, I started having anxiety attacks.

I constantly worried and became fearful of the possibility of not measuring up to the perfectionist standard I created for myself — although I achieved much, I still felt like a failure. Peace was never present because I always found more to do. I became especially angry with my daughter when “she wasn’t catching on quick enough” when doing school lessons. I made her study for long hours because it was necessary that I maintained my responsible and well-structured image, especially when I felt the heaviness of being judged as a parent. Deep down, the heaviness of being judged by others’ thoughts and opinions troubled me greatly. So, I pushed myself to perfectionism. The question is why? 

“Why did I have the constant thoughts of not being good enough?”

“Why did I always feel like a failure?”

“Why did I seek the approval of others?”

“Was it really the will of God to lead me down a path of ‘perfection torment?’”

It was urgent that I discovered God’s truth for my life regarding perfectionism, and I quickly learned that perfectionism was NOT the will of God.

“Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.” –Romans 3:23 NIV

“Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.” -James 3:2 NLT

“So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law.” -Galatians 5:1 NLT

Now there are plenty of other supporting scriptures, so I soon realized I believed the lies of perfectionism for far too long. I strived to obtain an impossible goal of perfection, which only produced a life of confusion and anxiety. The fear of making mistakes and judgements from people horrified me. I conformed to the world’s way, but God wanted me to conform to His way.

Ultimately, striving for perfection made me mentally and emotionally tired. I truly wanted to live a life of true freedom, peace, and vulnerability. I made the decision I no longer wanted to be a perfectionist. Instead, I wanted to do things God’s way — by doing my best with a spirit of excellence. God desires only my best and my best was and is good enough for Him. From time to time, I still struggle with perfectionism, but God has proved Himself faithful in my life by helping me in those moments to overcome. God has powerfully transformed my life by his Grace, Love, and Mercy. If God did it for me, He can and is willing to do it for YOU!

-Blog post edited by @chitoclt on Instagram.